I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
