He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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