Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
