Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
