Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
