i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
