There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
