So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
