Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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