Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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