Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
