its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
