i already hear my dad disowning me
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
