dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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