Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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