This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
