This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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