so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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