is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize