I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
