A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
