My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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