yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize