i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
