He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I need moral support for this bender
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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