I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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