I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
