So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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