We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I woke up under a house in Key West
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