Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
