how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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