Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
