I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
