the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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