I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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