I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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