I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can I color on your dick again?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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