When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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