smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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