I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
