I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
