yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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