you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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