so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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