A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
