when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My vagina is very pro this idea
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
