Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
