Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
