girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
