they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
