My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
