sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
