pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
