Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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