omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
