Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Ketchup is God's man juice
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
