Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
