I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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