I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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