Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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