I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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