I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
