Im at strip club and am horny
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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