You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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