We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
