There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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