how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
