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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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