I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize