Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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