Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
