just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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