I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We're too hungover to prance.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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