This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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