Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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