the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
