theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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